How is it that everything feels so settled, so right?
I spent so long walking around in someone else's shoes, living someone else's life,
yet I recognized this life instantly.
I know it is mine.
One thing I have not rediscovered is my voice, the clarity of thought I am convinced I had not too long ago.
I will not push the words out of my soul, but I will let them filter out, through all this joy and all this contentment and I will hope that they do start to flow again, that they flow beautifully and smoothly, sometimes ruggedly or harshly.
ah...maybe this is it....yes, now I remember.
The words aren't always there, they only come once the gates are open.
They wait for me to commit my fingers to the keyboard,
they let me clear away a few cobwebs, but then they will gush out.
Oh, this feels good.
So why have I fought it, or ignored it for so long?
I am afraid of the power of the my own words, of the words that charge through me at the will of my Muse.
But I have no reason to be afraid anymore.
I am free.
And I am loved As I Am.
Yes, first I love me, but second...
HE loves me.
We will have a good life together; the best.
I know he is fully committed to me and to our family and I enjoy his company so much--
I admire him and appreciate all the quirks he has and all the strengths.
I hope to hold his interest for a good long time...perhaps for life, as he plans.
I just can't imagine it--
being married to someone who sees life the way I do, who values the things I do, and best yet, I love the idea of spending my life with someone who not only has the ability to love as deeply as I do, but who does in fact love ME as deeply as I love him!!!
It is a miracle to me.
I adore this dear fellow.
I will retain my sense of self, my self confidence.
I shall finish meeting all the skeletons when I return.
I will carry on with confidence, no matter what.
I love this man and all that he is.
I will write about him and be sexy for him--
I will keep him interested so that he will want to take pictures of me.
He leaves me so satisfied, so whole.
I could probably get by with seeing him only one week every month if I had to, but hopefully I don't have to.
Where does this leave my future?
With him.
But what about financial stability?
I must finish college.
I must sell my house and move here,
I must write.
Write, write, write.
Take it seriously, it is a job.
Write everyday.
Learn something new about writing or publishing every day.
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