If I were a blog post, I would be...

missing
from this page
because that's where all my blog posts are.
I can't believe how long it has been since I've written.
It makes me a little sad...slightly morose, wistful perhaps.
I do love to share my thoughts, my experiences.
I've been busy.
Ha.
What a deliciously broad excuse, eh?
It kind of makes me giggle.
The truth is, I've been so busy living--
and more importantly, SHIFTING MY LIFE--
that I haven't had time to talk about it all, let alone write about it all.
I have morphed back into the best parts of who I used to be, pre-first-marriage.
I have taken back my SELF, I have returned to the softer side of Sears--
the softer side of ME.
I have returned home, and boy oh fucking boy, can I just tell you?
Home is where my heart always was, no matter what I tried to tell myself or you or anyone else.
I never really left this place.
Although, I'm glad I did.
I really was a fish flopping around on the desert sand out there.
An octopus trapped on top of a mountain.
...a mermaid with nary a sailor to sing to!
But I found my sailor...my submarine seaman, my scuba diving sweetheart!
And he found me.
And he wrapped his wet arms around me and I breathed in long gulps of salt water until at last we reached the sea!
And here we are.
I am a fish, once again, in water.
And it feels as good as one might expect.
It feels right.
I feel normal again, one among peers rather than the steady buzz under my skin--
whispers from every molecule around me of, "You do not belong" have died away and the silence is blissful.

I sold my house.
My first house, my third house--
the one to which I brought my two tiny babies home from the hospital,
the one in which I decided not to end my marriage,
the one to which I returned when we did, in fact, end our marriage,
the one in which I then found comfort and serenity--and sitting, looking out the same window I looked out when I started my very first Bored and Housewifely blog, I then found my truest love who brought me home.
Talk about full-fuckin-circle, eh???
I am complete.
So the house is as good as gone, tomorrow at 2pm MST will be the final moment, but so far so good.
My stuff's all signed, their ducks are (supposedly) in a row.
Quack.
It feels good, but weird, but good, and kinda sad.
Good bye, little house with a gorgeous view.
Good bye, little house with a wacky floor plan.
Good bye sunsets and mountains and sunrises--

I might have finally settled on the date that my Truest Love and I will wed.
I'm having a hard time deciding.
But I don't have a single doubt.
This man.....
he is the reason I exist.
I knew he was out there, I just knew it.
But I didn't really believe it...
He loves me in this fluid, full way, his love holds me gently--loosely, even.
We hunger for each other always, and are satisfied in all ways.
I just can't figure out what the "right" day to get married is.
That's all.
I have a feeling I'm waiting until I can be sure I'll lose some weight...
packed on a few over the summer, and they're not meandering off down the yellow brick road just yet, if ya catch my drift.
Jeeeeeeeeee
zus.
Eh, whatever.
I just don't want to be a chunky bride.
(does that remind anyone else of "The Bride of Chucky"?)

Hmm...what else is new?
I am addicted to Facebook, so that's cool.
Why didn't anyone ever tell me it was so frigging awesome????
I love that it's real--real names, so no funny business.
Maybe I wasn't interested in something like that before...
I used to dig the funny business, if ya know what I mean. Wink wink.

I have a rather pleasant job.
I work in the rental shop of a small ski hill (I feel as though I may have mentioned this...?)
I love the cheerful customer service aspect of it--people who come to ski are usually there to have fun, and if I can send them out on their adventure with a smile, and greet them after a harrowing day on the icy, coastal slopes with enough cheer to soften the blow of their defeat, then I have succeeded!
Not that people come back frustrated or defeated very often, but I will proudly say that I am skilled at turning frowns upside down. Heh.
I have also discovered that I am adept at wrangling teenage boys into cooperation--I'm not technically their manager, but I can get them to do what needs to be done and we all have a good time.
We have a great team and I have learned a TON about myself as an employee.
I like what I see.
Heh.
Seriously, though, let's not forget that I've hardly had what you'd call a "real job" in almost 9 years!
Yes, I wrote some last year, but that was incredibly flexible and non-interactive and then I wrote for the newspaper a couple of years back, but it was non-traditional as well--this is the first time I've had to show up on time and stay a predetermined number of hours (which often runs over) and am expected to interact positively with customers, while carrying out specific duties. Whoa. It's like I have a JOB or something!
I enjoy the customer interaction a lot, but the best part is setting bindings.
I read the customer's information and apply it to my little chart and come up with their unique setting then I fit their boot into the binding and grab a big ole honkin' screwdriver and twist each binding until the dial reads the number I need.
Probably sounds boring, but I love it!

Hm...
I guess that's all for now.
Dinner's cooking, almost ready.
Kids just came in from playing in the snow.